Friend’s of an Ex Are Off Limits…and I Hate That

One thing I have noticed with my last couple ex’s is that there has been a friend of theirs that I have been interested in.  And of course they are off limits, though one could technically be “possible”.

When I was with L, she had a friend A, who has a presence about her.  She carries herself with confidence and intrigue.  The first time I met her I got this feeling of, damn, I wish I met her first.  That though did go away quickly as I was completely happy with L, and no other woman caught my eye or peaked my interest.  L did end up breaking up with me, so I guess technically since I was the dumpee, I could initiate the dating of one of her friends.  Would I? If I had an opportunity I would, but the chances of her and I running into each other are slim to none and I’m not a fan of sending random facebook messages (of course I have no issue with women doing that to me).

After L, I dated J.  J had a friend C, who I had the same reaction when I met A in the previous scenario, but one thing changed this time.  Those feelings of being happy with who I was with didn’t come.  It actually kind of pained me to be around C as I had this huge crush on her.  Once I realized all this, I broke up with J.  And while I would never cheat on a significant other, or set up a relationship before ending a current one, I knew that J was not the one for me based on my interest being focused more on her friend.  Would I get with C, in a New York minute, any chances of it happening?  No.  Being the dumper I cannot initiate, just wouldn’t be right.  C would have to initiate and seek approval from J, and even if C was interested in me in the least, she isn’t the kind of friend to put her bestie in that situation.

I know it is human nature to have your eye wander once in a while, or to wonder what it would be like with someone else.  This is perfectly normal; I have felt this in pretty much every relationship at some point.  I’ve been in a relationship where I had this feeling more than once, but it always quickly went away as I realized I loved that person more than anything, that is until the relationship ran its course.  But if this lingering feeling of wanting to be with someone else (whether they are friends of your significant other or just another person you know) does not go away, it is a clear indication that the relationship should be ended.  I find it a shame that I’ll never really have a chance with C or with A because of them being friends with ex’s.

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